The Biggest Mistakes Guys Make On Dates With Women

Tips from Nick Shane
Author of "How to Become a Playboy"

Whenever a guy has a date with a beautifulwoman he tries to impress her. This is so wrong.If you court a woman like we did 50 years ago,try to buy her affection with flowers and giftsor want to impress her so she will like you ...you are on the wrong track!

Look, it's amazing how every man who askedfor my advice has the exact same problems withwomen. No wonder, they ALL make the same goddamnmistakes when it comes to women and dating. Here's what usually happens.
on a date.

Either she will just make a random excuse right there like "oh I'm sorry, I can't. My cousin is in town and I have to spend time with her" or "I have yoga class today, maybe some other time." ...or she doesn't cancel on you and will actually agree to meet up with you again. But when your date is almost over, she won'tkiss you and just tell you that "you are anice but she just isn't that attracted to you".

Then, when everything has failed and yourealize that she doesn't want to be with you... you start to wonder what went wrong.

I'm here to help. The thing is, every guy makes the samemistakes when he is on a date with a beautifulwoman. So here's my black list: a) You pay her lots of compliments. You tell her how nice she looks and how beautiful her eyes are ... and she will say thank you but that's as far as it goes. Paying compliments is a nice gesture, but doesn't push a woman's buttons or turns her on. Oops, you're a wimp! Women don't get physical with those type of men. Sorry! b) You try to be nice...same deal here: Women don't like nicey-nice guys and never go past a first date or further than a kiss on the cheek. c) You act clingy and needy. The more you act like you want sex, the less you will get it. Butthere is nothing worse than a guy who acts needy and desperate for sex. It has to be the biggest turn-off in any woman. So relax, play a little hard to get and let her chase YOU...not theother way around. d) You try to BUY her affection withflowers, chocolates, drinks or even a cuddly toy. It doesn' work because she will NOT get emotionally attracted to you. If you want her to think you are hot and sexy, turn up the heat by being CHEEKY...and not by buying her things. e) You go on a classic date such as arestaurant or the movies where you evenagree to pay for everything. Classic datesare out. Go window shopping or have a coffeewhere she has to buy the second round. Be aman for god's sake and not a doormat you hear? So in a nutshell, everything you do thatlets a woman know that you WANT her and reallyTRY to get her will not have a happy ending.You got to behave like you are the catch andnot her. YOU need to be the challenge no matter howbeautiful you think your date looks. If you wantto be with her, you have to keep her on her toesand let her wonder about you. Keep teasing herby being cheeky and busting her balls and shewill get attracted to you in an instant. But for now make sure you don't make theabove mistakes anymore because if you do, youwill get what 97% of other guys get after theyhad a date with a beautiful woman...another female friend.

*** QUESTION ***

Sup Nick,I've been reading your newsletters andI've been wondering about a few things.Women like jerks? Why do they like jerks?Its taken me all my life to finally realizethat women don't like nice guys and pussysbecause they are so boring, but there hasto be more than just the fact that jerksare a little more exciting?

>>> MY COMMENTS:

Yeah Stu, you're right, women don'tlike nice guys because they are boring. Here is why women like jerks andbadboys so much: Everyone has heard of natural selection, right?Animals with characteristics that are favorablewill survive and pass them on to the next generation. For example, the lion came about because itwas big and fearsome and could kick all the otheranimals asses. So it survived and formed a new species. Put that into perspective. Humans want toreproduce with people that are healthy andintelligent. That is as basic as it gets. That is why we generally like slim, tonedwomen and not fat, obese ones. So women will want to mate with a man whocan get what he wants and will protect her. Yeahof course films and love songs will tell you shewants to be protected and cherished, but her naturalinstinct is to survive and produce offspring withfavorable characteristics. Of course, women don't really like jerks.They may be attracted to them but they wontlike them as much as a player or a badboy. By treating a woman with a little more respectthan an asshole, but by staying bad you can giveher the best of both world's.

*** COMMENT FROM A READER ***

Nick you are the sh*t. I work in a bar and am always around beautiful women... and your stuff has helped me put dumbstruck faces on my now jealous friends. Two weeks ago I was in the laundromat and there was this cute little tanned dark-haired girl I used to know from years ago when I was still a complete wuss, although I never really had the confidence to even talk to her. Anyway, she's a definite 9 and one of those chicks who just see through you or never even glance your way. But now I had a weapon to use. I stood facing away from her and looked at her and gave a sly little james bond smile and simply said

Me : "Hey! You went to my High school"

Her: Yea

Me: Still living with your momie? (James bond smile)

Her: (Laughs) Yea just for a while till I get....

Me: (Interrupting) Yea whatever.

Her: (Laughs).

So my laundry's done, I pack and go out to my car. Just as I start the engine she runs out with a piece of paper with her digits!!! Can you believe it?! I do have 1 question: I have Huge approach anxiety. Its all in my head but when I'm about to approach a girl on the street or anywhere my head goes blank and I give myself some lame excuse like " oh I'll keep looking around first" or "I dont want her anyways" you know. What can I tell myself to fix thisor how do I just get these feelings to just piss off. I needa good mindset for approaches Dude! Its Killing me!!

Kian Dublin City, Ireland.

>>> MY COMMENTS: Ahh, the classic "I'm too scared to approach a womanand I keep making excuses for my sorry butt". Well first of all: GREAT job! You pulled a textbook example of how it's supposed to be done. Playing hard to get, busting her balls, being a challenge, teasing,... the works! But let me tell you that the BIGGEST mistake a guy can make when it comes to meeting women ... is to NOT DO ANYTHING AT ALL! If you don't act, you lose! The quick answer to eliminating fear is actually very simple: You have to REDUCE the fear and make it smaller every time you approach a new woman until it's gone completely.

Here's how to do this:

A) Get more comfortable at approaching womenby getting loads of practice. If you've never doneit, no wonder you're scared. So you better start now!

B) Don't think of it as an approach, think of itas you becoming a natural at TALKING to people. Wheneveryou pass a woman, just open your mouth and say "Hi" andsee how she reacts.

C) ALWAYS (!) have a great line as backup whenyou are about to freeze after the "Hi". There's LOADSof examples in my newsletter, my website and my books. But the REAL secret of approaching women is toNOT think about it. It's as simple as pie guys. It'snot easy ... (every guy is scared of rejection and doesn'tlike his ego getting bruised) ... but it's a very SIMPLE process. Say "Hi" NATURALLY like you just saw her walkingpast you ... and throw in a one-liner if you can'theat up attraction on the spot. That's it. The more you think, the more you overcomplicate things.Just take any intro line from my website (like the mascaraline) or any other form my books and use it after yousaid "Hey, what's up". For starters, that should do the trick!
'
*** SUCCESS STORY ***

Hey I just want to say I used your line saying letme get your opinion on something. She said sure well Iwas like I heard woman can only put on mascara if theyhave there mouth open is that true? She said not all woman open there mouths then I started talking to her andthen soon I realized we talk for an hours! Before I readyour techniques and followed your tips I didn't know what tosay to her. I was only good to talking to woman the first time Imet her or couldn't even say say hey whats up because I wouldalways freeze up like I dont know what else to say. But this isall changed now, thanks to you Nick! I just want to say I reallylike using your techniques...I can now talk to 6 girls and get 4 numbers so ya I love your style man!

Matthew Johnson
Dallas Texas

>>> MY RESPONSE

Everybody seems to love me these days :) I TOLD YOU it would work! If you haven't triedthis line yet ... jesus! Go and try it right now,TODAY! It works every-single-time! That's your golden ticket to a newphone number right there. Not get yourself to a mall,a bar or a coffee-shop and use it on the first attractivewoman you see. Get her number, arrange a date ... and I'll be waitingfor your success story!

*** QUESTION ***

Hi Nick, thank you for giving me your suggestions aboutattracting beautiful women. I have not downloaded yourmaterials yet. However, I am receiving your free newsletters.I just recently subscribed to your newsletters. Well, here is astory that I would like to tell you. I was working at a financialservice company. While I was working, I decided to take my10 minute break. I went to the break room so that I cansit down. Suddenly, I saw this woman that I like. I haveseen her in the cafeteria plenty of times, but I neverasked her out because I assumed she was married. Thistime I took a chance and made a move. As she was walkingout of the cafeteria, I stopped her while I was sittingdown. I told her what my plans are for tonight. I toldher I am going to hang out on a Friday night and thatshe should come along. I did not ask her out on a date.Your newsletter taught me not to ask a woman out on dates.Instead, I gave her suggestions, and I offered her myinvitation about what I am going to do tonight. Thewoman told me that she had plans for the weekend. Sinceshe had plans for the weekend, I asked her if she wouldlike to go out with me on a Monday night instead of aFriday night. She told me she is dating somebody. I askedher when can she go out, and she said she doesn't know.I asked her why doesn't she know. She didn't answer myquestion, so she just walked away from me. I can tell shedid not have any gut level emotional feelings towards me.I moved on to the next available person. After my 10 minutebreak, I went downstairs. I asked another woman out the sameway I asked the first woman. She also told me she had a boyfriend. Does that mean she doesn't know me better to accept my offer? What should I have done to make her respond positively?When she said she was dating somebody, does that mean she is not interested in me?How do I break a women's barrier when she say's "I have a boyfriend."? Norm B,South Florida>>> MY RESPONSE Please don't make me use my WIMP-bat and whack youover the head with it. Look, I said you should NEVER ask a woman out ... that's true.But I also said that if you want to arrange a get-together witha woman ... you need to make sure she's ALREADY attracted to you. Do you get that? She needs to feel that gut-level feeling BEFORE you tell hershe should hang out with you. I mean why on earth would she want to see you? You haven'tpushed NONE of her emotional buttons yet! You didn't make her LAUGH! You didn't make her WANT you! You didn't present yourself as a CHALLENGE! You didn't bust her balls! The list goes on and on ... to sum it up: YES, you are a WIMP!She even gave you numerous hints that you are one. Here, look: She told you she was dating somebody/has a boyfriend. If she wasattracted to you, she wouldn't mention him ... even if she had one. She can't see you because she is doing something else. Obvious excuse,because if she WANTED to see you, she would rearrange her plans or makea counter-offer. You asked WHY she can't see you, and she walked away. You are justthrowing on fire here. She isn't attracted, she got annoyed becauseyou acted liek such a nice-guy and wimp ... and walked away. You didn't ask her out like all the other nice-guys do ... butyou forgot to get the attraction going. If you can't do that, every woman will STILL see you as a wimp and nice guy.

What it takes for a smart woman to succeed

RIZA MANTARING, chief of Sun Life of Canada’s Asia-Pacific information systems division, has the combination of brains genes and the passion for excellence. And the impeccable timing of entry into the lucrative IT industry.

As a child, she wanted to be an architect, then a doctor, then a writer. Born to parents who were both Chemical Engineering professors and board exam topnotchers, she didn’t know at first what course to take and thus tried to follow her parents’ footsteps.

“I quickly realized I didn’t want to be a chemical engineer. At that time, interest in computers was just starting to pick up and it seemed like a great course to take, so I shifted to Electrical Engineering (one of the only two girls in her batch), which was the closest course to Computer Science, which no one yet offered, at that time. So I’m obviously very far from my original dream, but no regrets,” Mantaring says.

But her parents couldn’t have been any less proud. After graduating as valedictorian of her high school class in the all-girls St. Scholastica’s College, she graduated from UP Diliman cum laude in 1982 and proceeded to get her MS in Computer Science at the State University of New York.
“I never realized it as a child, but my parents really drove the value of excellence into us without making us feel pressured,” Mantaring says. “We had a very simple childhood, very few luxuries but we always had a lot of books, which is probably why we all did very well academically. We had our first TV, a tiny black and white set, when I was nine years old,” she reminisces.
The eldest of five children, she and her siblings were also encouraged by their parents to get involved in whatever caught their interest. So while she admits she was a bit of a nerd in school, she wasn’t bereft of extra-curricular activities.

“At one point in high school, I was probably a member of almost all the clubs. My sister graduated valedictorian of her batch, but she was also a medalist on their track team,” she says.

Career start

Mantaring started her career as a computer programmer at Computer Information Systems (CIS). When she got her first job, her father gave her the book “Passion for Excellence” -- which has obviously been her personal battle cry since then.

At that time, CIS was “the” place to work if you wanted to be in IT, she says. Fresh from graduate school in the US, she was only too glad to be surrounded by brilliant minds.
“My first bosses were very smart, and working with them and the rest of the people around me immediately set pretty high standards of job performance for me. The atmosphere was quite good, challenging but with great camaraderie,” she says.

It was this atmosphere of excellence in CIS that she would later try to recreate in Sun Life.
Her next job was also in IT, as part of a group which had spun off from CIS. She was initially lead designer of a system being built for a multinational IT firm to sell commercially.

“And that was really a tough project. The platform was unfamiliar, but we had to deliver on time or we risked losing tons of money and all future contracts with them,” Mantaring says.
She was pregnant with her second child then but still working long hours.

“I was already in labor but was still in the office trying to finish test plans, until I finally stood up at lunchtime and said I had to leave because I was giving birth,” she recalls.

“That caused quite a panic in the office! I just had time to go home, shower, go to the hospital and was immediately wheeled to the delivery room. I gave birth just three hours after I left the office!”

Forty five days after giving birth, she was back working for 16 hours a day Mondays to Saturdays and even going in to work on Sundays.

“At that point, I decided I wasn’t going to stay in that kind of job much longer. I had a family to raise and I barely saw my son for the first few months of his life,” she says.

With Sun Life

When she started in Sun Life in 1983, she basically had to figure everything out as her team was setting up a shared services group supporting IT for Asia.

“We had no models to follow. When I think back sometimes, some of the things we did were probably quite risky, but all of us were quite young then so we just forged ahead with the boldness of youth and luckily, we succeeded.” she says.

She also thought she would have a less taxing job when she joined Sun Life.
“But I soon discovered that wasn’t the case. My husband says, though, that I would never have a relaxing job because I would drive myself and everyone around me,” she says.

From this company, she learned to better deal with foreigners and to be more assertive, having to deal with people in the regional and corporate offices of this multinational company.
What she says she likes most about Sun Life is its strong corporate governance.

“They say you can tell a person’s true character by what he does when no one is looking. That’s the same for companies. Sun Life does what is right, even when no one is looking—pays the right taxes, treats its people well, gives its clients what they are due and more. It is also a company where the atmosphere of excellence is palpable.”

Family bonding

Outside of her hectic office schedule, Mantaring enjoys sports with her husband, who is also an engineer (they have been married for 23 years) and her three kids, who are all in college now and all athletes. The youngest, 18, has won several medals representing his school in swimming in the NCAA.

“They are also all highly adventurous and very well rounded. And best of all, they’re all good kids, they treat others well and they do a lot of outreach activities even as students,” she says.
The proud mom also says her children are all top students holding leadership positions.
At one time or another, Mantaring herself has taken up golf, bowling and badminton regularly. Nowadays, however, she has very little time for anything but regular workouts, three to four times a week.

She also enjoys reading, surfing the Internet and traveling with the family.
“Traveling is probably our only real luxury. We’ve even gone on adventure trips quite a bit—hiking, rapelling, whitewater rafting, and have done things like jumping off a bridge, walking on hanging bridges,” she says.

The family tries to have dinner every night, even if it’s very late.
“We have great conversations with the kids, and now that they are old they can be as diverse as how the market is moving and what subprime is all about to the ZTE deal, who we think will win in the PBA, NFL or NBA, to who we want to win the Democratic nomination in the US, to what’s happening in campus elections.”

She says it wasn’t easy balancing home and family when the kids were younger as she and her husband both had challenging jobs. Fortunately, they had a good support system.

“When my husband and I both had to travel at the same time, my parents took in our kids. I also have a helper, Emma, who’s lived with us for almost 20 years, and she has been a gem in terms of running the household,” Mantaring says.

“Despite our schedules, however, we made sure to always be there for our kids in the important occasions in their lives. You don’t want your kid to be the only one in class with no parent at a school activity!”

“We also set aside time for vacations every year—traveling was not only educational for them, it also allowed us to bond with no distractions around us,” she says.

At one point, she decided not to be active in extra-curricular organizations so she could spend whatever free time she had with the kids.

Aspirations

“I guess you just have to decide what things really matter and spend your time on those, because you just won’t have time for everything,” she says.

Asked what it takes for brilliant women to succeed in the corporate world, Mantaring says: “It’s the same as for males—work hard, do your best, always act with integrity, treat everyone with respect no matter what their level in the organization, follow the Golden Rule—do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

“Work as if you’re not afraid to lose your job, because then you do what is right rather than what is convenient or expedient,” she says, noting that she never planned to be an “executive.”
Mantaring had been into situations in the past where a supplier was threatening to get her fired if she cut their contract, because his boss was a golfing buddy of the CEO. But the CEO backed her up, realizing that her team had studied it carefully and was shifting technologies for the right reasons.

For her, it’s also a must to always sharpen the saw.

“Always keep trying to improve yourself and continue to learn because the world never stops progressing. What I knew when I started out, or even just 10 years ago, is now obsolete.”
“I’ve been raised to always do my best in whatever I do, and I realize when you do that then the rewards come naturally.”

She also considers herself lucky working in organizations that were fairly nonpolitical and promoted people for talent and accomplishments regardless of sex.

And for someone who has accomplished so much, there’s no sign of slowing down.
“I used to think I’d retire early, but then I see my dad, he’s 80 and he’s still working (as a consultant) and in many ways I think it has kept him young. He recently had an operation and his recovery time was remarkable -- he was back at work less than three weeks after the operation. Amazing, given his age!”

So where shall Mantaring be in the next 10 to 20 years?

“I think I’d like to be like him, still working but maybe no longer in as demanding a job. I’d like to teach, and hope that someone will hire me. I’d also like to do some consulting. I feel that I’ve learned a lot and would like to be able to give back by teaching and helping others.”

Some Good Alternatives to Rice

With the rising prices of rice, experts have found a good way for Filipino households to keep up with the spiraling cost of rice nowadays. There are actually eight good (if not better) food alternatives that they can set on their tables instead of the calorie-rich staple, according to a crops expert.

Dr. Jocelyn Eusebio, director of the crops research division of the Philippine Council for Agriculture, Forestry and Natural Resources Research and Development, is suggesting cassava, sweet potato, taro, potato, tugui, nami, saba banana and white corn as crop substitutes, which are in fact "cheaper and more nutritious."

Eusebio made the recommendation on Wednesday during the monthly press briefing hosted by the Department of Science and Technology in Quezon City.

Although Eusebio said the country has not been facing a rice crisis, she stressed that Filipinos could still tap a wider range of food choices to take care of their nutrition.

While rice could contribute 53 percent of energy, 37 percent of protein and 29 percent of iron to the body, one could get adequate amounts of nutrients from the eight "neglected crops," Eusebio pointed out.

"They are cheaper to produce and buy as well. Even households could plant them in their backyards," Eusebio said.

She noted the sufficiency of the country’s supply of these crops to significantly reduce hunger.
Planting materials can be sourced from various government agencies such as the Visayas State University- Philippine Root Crops Research and Training Center, Bureau of Plant Industry and the Department of Agriculture.

In 2006 alone, the country has produced 2.29 million metric tons of saba, which is a good source of protein, potassium, calcium, carbohydrates, fats, calories and fiber, according to Eusebio.
The banana variety, which accounted for 34 percent of the total banana production two years ago, is widely grown in Region 11, Region 12 and the Cagayan Valley.

Eusebio also noted an increased demand for white corn in the Visayas and Mindanao regions, by 38 percent and 42 percent, respectively from 1990 to 2003.

White corn, an energy-dense food mainly harvested from the fields of Mindanao, gives more calcium, beta carotene and protein than rice, according to the crops expert.

A major product in Mindanao, Bicol, Eastern Visayas and Central Visayas, the cassava gives 145 kcal per 100 grams. Eusebio pegged the production cost at P1 per kilo.

Taro or "gabi," nami (wild yam), tugui and potatoes are also good sources of carbohydrates, giving 78 to 110 kcal per 100 grams of each root crop.

But Eusebio admitted that there must be an intensive advocacy for these food alternatives in order to relieve the Filipinos' dependence on rice.

DOST Secretary Estrella Alabastro agreed, saying that it would take time to convince Filipinos to shift from rice to these crops. "We can't change their food habits overnight... it needs a lot of advocacy," she added.

In the same press conference, weather experts announced that the weather would be favorable for agriculture, particularly for rice production and predicted a "generally" normal rainfall in the next five months.

The Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical and Astronomical Administration Services (PAGASA) predicted normal to above normal rainfall from May to September.

"There is a favorable outlook for agriculture, particularly for rice production," said Dr. Prisco Nilo, Pagasa director, noting that there would be a lull of the monsoon rains for a few weeks in July.

But he added that the amount of rainfall would still be within the normal range. The Pagasa predicted the onset of the rainy season between the middle of May and the first week of June, with the start of the southwest wind pattern in the first half of May.

Nilo placed the peak of the rainy season in July and August and expected the monsoon to end by the end of September, in time for harvest.

The weather bureau is expecting a maximum of 15 tropical cyclones in the next five months, with three or four in September.